also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
