She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
