I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
