adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
