he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
