it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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