I CAN MOONWALK!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
