I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
