He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
