im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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