i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
