I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
