I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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