You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
