dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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