My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
