I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
