I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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