Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
