dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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