then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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