Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
