omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This gyro tastes like lonliness
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
