Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
