Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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