Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
