My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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