He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
