make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
