I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
