I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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