so explain again why im purple
no
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
