then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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