I'm eating all of the evidence.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
