Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
