i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
