Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
