how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
