friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
