I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
