if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
