I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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