Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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