i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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