; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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