i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
