he wants to bone in the snuggie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
