if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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