Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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