Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
