The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
