I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
